Faith-Eating

I was extremely disturbed to hear the news about Carl Worthington, defendant in an Oregon faith healing case, receiving 60 days in jail for relying on faith and prayer instead of medical attention when his daughter fell ill. In fact, I was utterly appalled.

What has this country come to? We now live in a society where atheists and homosexuals are free to infect our children with their backwards ideas, and a loving father like Mr. Worthington is put in jail for having faith in God!

Please don't misunderstand me—I was as saddened as anyone to hear that his 15-month-old daughter was no longer with us after perishing from pneumonia and a related blood infection. But one needs to understand that this precious little girl would have died even if she had received medical care for her easily treatable inflictions. How do I know? Because it was her time to die—if it wasn't, she wouldn't have.

I commend Mr. Worthington and his wife (who was not convicted of the same misdemeanor, but still suffered through a grueling trial) for exercising a faith in the Lord reminiscent of Abraham's as he raised the blade to sacrifice Isaac. We should all have as much courage and faith.

But why stop there?

From this day forward I will refrain from polluting my body with worldly foods and begin relying on the Lord to fill my stomach with the Holy Spirit.

I'm not suggesting a mere 40 day fast. I'm talking about a complete reliance on Christ to provide the spiritual feeding needed to sustain me through the rest of my days.

I challenge every one of you to join me along with my wife and kids in our quest to become closer to Jesus.

God bless you!

Disclaimer: This is satire. If you are a Christian who also happens to be very stupid, please do not stop eating.

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10 Small Steps

10 things I expect (and want) to see before I die:

As my 30th birthday looms ominously in the near future like Vincent Price in the dark basement of your house, I decided to comprise a list. This is not meant to be a bucket-list of things I want to do, rather a list of things that will represent our progress as a species. No particular order.

• A woman U.S. president

• The creation of life

As opposed to reproduction. I've read that scientists have already created RNA, which is thought to be responsible for copying information in primitive life. It's only a matter of time before we get a cell, I just don't know how much time.

• Extraterrestrial life

It's very improbable that life exists only on this planet. The universe is just too big. Life (as we know it) seems to need, first and foremost, liquid water. Our own solar system has H2O all over the place. Intelligent life of course would be much rarer if not exclusive, but primitive life should be out there. We just need to find it.

• Commercial space travel

This one is a shoo-in. Virgin Galactic is already selling tickets.

• A Mars landing

• Fully functional robotic limbs

I'm talking almost real. We're getting there.

• The Eradication of AIDS

This may be optimistic, but there is hope—thanks to all the dedicated scientists, researchers, doctors, philanthropists, and everyone else trying solve this crisis who don't think AIDS is god's curse on gays. It turns out some people are virtually immune to HIV and there may be a way to give that resistance to others.

• My 100th birthday

Humans in developed nations keep living longer and longer. With advances in nanotechnology I think we're on the brink of some major developments that will surely translate into the world of medicine. The current life expectancy in the U.S. is 78. The closer I get to the life expectancy, the higher the number gets. Unless the rate of increase surpasses aging, I will one day meet that mark. But hopefully after 100. Or I might be crushed by a falling jet engine tomorrow.

• An openly non-religious OR gay U.S. president

Both would be too much to hope for, but maybe we can get one or the other. A woman prez will come soon, we already have a black one and other racial minorities will follow, but these two groups are hard for people to accept.

• A mass conversion to scientific thought

This is my list. Edits may follow. What do you think will happen before you die? Tell me in the comment section.

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